This will be a different post than I started out with. On my way out of Lowes this morning, a very nice guy let me go first out of the door and said to me, “Boy, you sure look happy.” I smiled at him and told him “thanks”. On the way home I thought to myself, I am happy. Really happy, happier than I’ve been in a long while.
The Mr. and I have had a bit of a rough patch, haha, more than a bit and rough enough that I was making plans…. single, by myself plans. Talk about hard. We have so much history and have been through a few rough patches but we always managed to pull each other out. Sometimes by the skin of our teeth but we’ve muddled through. So I’ve been asking myself, “Are we together out of habit?” “Afraid to leave our comfort zone?” “To set in our ways?” “Does he still love me?” “Hell, do I still love him?!” “What about the boys?” I think that’s why I’ve been so unhappy, the indecision, I hate not knowing. One day it’d be like, I’m so done with this, and I’d be miserable. The next it would be, Ok, I can deal with this, and I’d be fine… Not happy, but fine.
So I guess somewhere along the last few weeks I’ve decided to let it go. Move on… and forgive, if not forget, (but I’m trying). And make some changes, with me, not the Mr. (Because you can’t change them, or “fix” them. That’s on them.) I will try to remember that I do love him.. still. To meet him at the door with a smile, (and make-up) and a kiss. To spend an hour a day… just hanging. To laugh with him, about whatever. To remember the boy I married has turned into the man I depend on. To remind him that he can depend on me. To remember to hold hands.
Now I’m feeling more settled in my mind and heart for that matter. Which in turn makes me happy. Besides I’ve remembered something about myself…. I’m a strong, independent, able to take care of myself, woman. Which makes me happier… and that, Ladies and Gentlemen will spill over to the rest.
Till next time… XOXO