Things that make you go, hummm

 

2014-04-07 12.59.56

 

I read a post over on Scary Mommy Why I Don’t Like being a Mother and it made me go, hmm.  While I like my children, (most days) and love them all days. Sometimes…. I dislike being a mom. I’m not sure why exactly and it’s proving harder to put into words… It’s not so much the work, that is never ending, or the laundry that always needs catching up or any of that. I think maybe it’s the losing of myself in Motherhood. The worries, the am I doing this right, The dragging responsibilities… raising healthy, well adjusted, self sufficient, small people that turn into grown people, is and should be mind boggling. After  doing it once… I was not keen on doing it again, really. But how do you tell someone you love, NO, you can’t have your dream. So once again here we are… trying to raise small people into healthy, well adjusted, self sufficient grown people. And again I find myself lost in Motherhood.  Weighed down with the very same thoughts and feelings, only more so having done it once… I know more, I know I see more, more pitfalls, more of what could happen, I thought this time around I’d be more patience… more relaxed. Wrong… I couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe more patience in different ways and less so in others. Everything I do or think winds it way around what the boys are doing or will need to be doing. But I guess that’s just part of Motherhood and sometimes, in the deepest part of my heart… I wish. But they will grow and they will fly and maybe, just maybe I’ll find a way to be me. And as me I’ll be enough.

 

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